Dear Bossy

I just found out my colleague makes more than me. Not just salary but also he has more perks than I do, like his phone is paid for and he has more money to take out clients than I do and other things.

I am new in the role (about 3 months in) and he has been here longer than me, but we are doing the exact same role. I tried to negotiate my starting salary and they wouldn’t budge. So now I’m really pissed because I feel like I was tricked. But, I love my job and I really like my boss.

But now I feel like I’m not treated fairly and it is pissing me off.

What should I do?

Thanks for your advice.

Pay Gap Patty

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Dear Pay Gap Patty

Sister, you are not alone. The Pay Gap is real for women and for women of color even more so. And it really stinks when you realize you are living it. You are pissed and rightfully so. But, your next move is delicate. Here is how I would think about what to do next.

First, take a deep breath. You are angry and we rarely make wise decisions when we are angry.
You say you like your job and your boss and those are invaluable. Many many many people I talk to do not like either one. So remember, you like this job and you want to keep it. But, you are feeling under-valued. And this can undermine your feelings about the boss and the job, so you should plan to talk about this with your boss.
Your next move is to figure out what would make you happy. This is one of the hardest things. I like to describe a workplace negotiation as you holding a deck of cards, and you need to figure out what cards to play and what will get you the best outcome (given the cards your boss and the company are holding). If you only talk about salary, you are only playing one card. What are some other things that are valuable to you that your boss is more likley to be able to approve. For example, do they pay for your phone plan if you use it for work? Is there career training you can get them to fund that would help you progress in your career? Is there a flex schedule or an interesting project coming up that you would like to ask for? These are all other cards in your deck about what will make you happy and valued at work.
You may not know if this is a systemic issue (pay inequality) or if this is an issue that the company is willing to face up to. There are many good reasons for your company to do a pay study and ensure equal pay (and they may find themselves in a lawsuit if they ignore a systemic issue). If your company is talking about attracting and retaining women or D&I work, they may be open to seeing this as an opportunity to right a wrong. But they may not.
Your next move is to have a conversation with your boss and possibly with HR. Start with your boss. You can tell him you know you make less, but I would emphasize that you like your job and are really happy, but this feels disappointing and ask him for his help. You’ll learn a lot from his response (defensiveness, anger, openness, helpfulness). You should also talk to HR about pay disparaty as a workers rights issue and see what they say.

Big picture, your value and your happiness are not equal to your paycheck, so think about other things you can ask for, other ways to move this company towards doing the right thing.

Here’s one of my favorite workplace negotiations in TV that is about being undervalued and asking for non-monetary things that are easy to say yes to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgOOlcDAgUs

Good luck!

Dear Bossy

Have a question for Dear Bossy - write to me at elizabeth@negotiatingatwork.com